Life is a mixed bag of people and emotions...in People/Team management – Manage it efficiently.

Life is a mixed bag of different people and the resultant emotions that we have because of them. There are different kinds of people in our life as in, the people who need us, people who want to take advantage of us, people who hate us etc. We too tend to be the same to others depending on certain circumstances; it is quite natural. I am not talking of Parents and our children here, with whom we are biologically motivated to love; they come with their own set of challenges. That’s a different story altogether.

Then there are people who like us and people who we like. They could be at our workplace or in our personal life.  In this post we will focus on this particular category of people. These people are not connected to us and we eventually meet them. We set off on a journey to make a connection with these people over a period of time. We will now discuss the first set of people ‘people who like us’. They are not at all difficult to identify, sometimes it is so obvious. They will communicate more often with us, they will feel happy in our presence, they will have a particular interest in our likes and dislikes, they will be over apologetic when they do something that offends us, they will go out of the way to be of some help to us, in extreme cases, they sometimes behave and act as if their world revolves around us, they get deeply hurt when we find fault with them. There could be numerous  other gestures to identify them.

Now there is this other set ‘people who we like’, they too are not that difficult to identify as we tend to do some of the above mentioned things with them. Initially we may not notice it but over a period of time the signs will be much more evident.

Our actions with these two different sets of people and the reactions that follow by far, constitute our mental state of mind in our life. It is very important to be sensitive to these situations. Hence, these situations need to be identified at an early stage and managed very efficiently; failing which it could result in a mess. The approach is pretty much the same in both cases; it may only vary with the level of involvement. Here are a few tips that could help through this situation.

·         Open and timely communication – a very vital aspect, as anything we postpone will only result in dealing with even bigger a mess.

·         Defining boundaries – again a crucial condition so that nothing is left in a gray area, eliminating the possibility of any ambiguity.

·         Setting expectations – a very central exercise which is often ignored in situations like these, setting expectation needs to be done with others and with our own self too (sometimes it is most important to do it with ourselves than others).

·         Realistic thinking – a fundamental condition that is easily ignored by the attitude of taking everything for granted (for example : taking other people’s time, nature and priorities for granted)

·         Taking Stock of the situation – this particular tip is the most helpful, taking stock of where the situation is heading is very essential. If we are not sure or lack clarity we can always approach for a third party perspective. A Third party because they are not thinking the way you are and are not bound by your feeling, emotions and hence is more likely to give a honest and genuine evaluation of the situation.

Different things work out for different people, but the point is not to delay the process and come up with a solution soon enough. The solution may not be favorable to us always, but it would certainly contribute towards the peace of mind in the longer run. The things that happen in our life is mainly our own doing, most of the times. Nothing impacts our life more than our own actions and thinking.

Thanks a lot! I really appreciate your time reading this post. I hope you enjoy reading the posts and find it helpful. I request you to share the learning as much as possible so that many more benefit from it. I would be glad to know your inputs both For or Against. Please feel free to post, share or like if you find it useful.Happy Learning! and Happy Sharing!

People are unique...in People/Team management – The science of cherishing a good relationship.

Well people definitely are unique. The only chance of finding a particular person on this planet is in that person and that person alone. They are that unique. I often have had conversations among friends and colleagues; discussing coexisting relationships and the difficulties that lie within. A very interesting thing that I noticed among majority of the conversations is that we like a person very much. Now that is a starter. We like, admire or even love a person for a particular behavior, quality or in general the way that person is with us. We tend to feel very comfortable with that person. It is very natural process that happens with us day in and day out. This process happens frequently for some and not so regular for others. But it is bound to happen for all of us some time or the other.

Now, the second step is that we like another person too probably for an entirely different set of traits. This second person’s qualities may or may not be in contrast with the first person’s qualities. Here what we normally try to do is imagine the first person, to possess or acquire the new set of behavior and traits of our choice. This is the seed of the problem and sometimes spells the catastrophe that lay ahead of us in the near future.

Once we successfully manage to plant that seed in our mind, we try to communicate, suggest, persuade and in some worst cases coerce to get the desired outcome. Things that follow, is the seed planted by us quickly grows into a huge forest, fueled by our ego, anger and absurd thinking. This happens fast, much faster than we may possible imagine.

What we need to realize is that the concept of salad dressing does not work with people. You cannot have the best of everything packaged in one person. It is by far the ground reality and major contributing factor in most of the relationship failures, if not all. The reasons or the choices of salad dressing may be different in different cases. For example, we may try our hand to pair beauty with intelligence, success with modesty etc. The list is exhaustive. Trust me if others try to have a similar choice of salad dressing with you, they will too end up without any success and in major disappointment. In relationships particularly, this kind of experimentation will have disastrous outcome.

Luckily, very few relationships fail in spite of going through this rough terrain. Some relationships endure this nerve wrecking experience and emerge out successfully. Though it is not possible to come out with a sure shot formula to address to all the scenarios; a few pointers would go a long way in avoiding or overcoming such situation. Few of them are:

·         Having an unshakable trust backed with the comfort and convenience of an open communication.

·         Primarily realizing, communicating and appreciating the good in the other person.

·         Being open and honest in discussing expectations with each other, backing with how it would be beneficial for the bigger cause.

·         Most importantly respecting and acknowledging, the other person for their abilities, their time and efforts to make the relationship work.

The above are just some basic pointers which are easily neglected in most of the relationships. Above all learning to appreciate the good in the other person, communicating and valuing it would go a long way ensuring a healthy relationship.

My earlier post will provide an in depth analysis and help identify the inherent good:

http://www.peoplemanagement.in/2018/05/nurturing-good-in-usin-peopleteam.html

Thanks a lot! I really appreciate your time reading this post. I hope you enjoy reading the posts and find it helpful. I request you to share the learning as much as possible so that many more benefit from it. I would be glad to know your inputs both For or Against. Please feel free to post, share or like if you find it useful.
Happy Learning! and Happy Sharing!