The people we like in our life...in People/Team management – choosing the right ones.

In life we like few people. These people in most cases will be our own family, relatives and friends (who are as good as family) so on and so forth.  We are bound to like and love these folks as it is either biological or reasons that are time tested relationships. We know that they will be there for us no matter what. It is quite natural. The more number of such people we have the better for us.

Apart from the said set of people, we also have another group of people who we eventually end up getting acquainted with; as part of growing up, neighbourhood, our career, travels etc. Let us for the ease of understanding we will name them as Group 1 and Group 2. Though what we discuss in this post is generic to all relationships, it is the Group 2 that we would be focussing more in this post. The reason we need to understand this group is that it is formed as a result of our own choices. In a way they define us. Let us first understand the process of how we make such acquaintances.

These based on the conversations that we have with them, matching of our likes and dislikes, the amount of time we are associated with them etc. We are likely to form our observations among those conversations. We identify and associate them with certain traits. We try to match it with our own experience and expectations. If the score is right we tend to like that person a lot, irrespective of how that person may treat or behave with us or others in the long run. Few pointers that help establish such great connections:

·         Identifying people who are honest, not self centric, who value contributions of others.

·         People who tend to give good counsel always.

·         People who advise us the right thing and not the thing that seems right at that point of time.

·         People who do not tend to customize their suggestions as per the situation or the person in question.

It helps us a lot to identify genuine well wishers in life, they are hard to find. After identifying them, make efforts to connect with them even if it involves some small sacrifices. Once a connection is established, reciprocate the feeling and treasure them for life. Never ever hurt someone who likes you, because the world is shrinking rapidly relationship wise; as such people are irreplaceable in life. This Group 2 set of friends sometimes give us valuable advice when we have some major issues with Group1 and vice versa.

We must always remember that the major driver in all our relationships is ‘Our own expectations’. It helps us a lot if we keep our own expectations fair, just and reasonable.

Also remember we are among Group 1 and Group 2 for so many other people too.

Thanks a lot! I really appreciate your time reading this post. I hope you enjoy reading the posts and find it helpful. I request you to share the learning as much as possible so that many more benefit from it. I would be glad to know your inputs both For or Against. Please feel free to post, share or like if you find it useful.

Happy Learning! and Happy Sharing!

When the going gets tough, the tough get going...in People/Team management – Being the support you need.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going; we have heard this so many times. I for one thing even believed it blindly, when counselling others without actually knowing what it really meant. There are or will be some situations in our life that really test our mettle. These situations really test our limit, and bring out the real us in our life. The situations vary and the reasons could be different, emotional, financial, difficult relationships, loss of a loved one and so on. Irrespective of the situation, the way we feel while going through them is the same. It is as if everything in life has come to a grinding halt. It is as if we are alone on the planet, someone is trying to take revenge with us, as if some unknown force is hell bent on breaking us.

I am sure you can relate to this feeling at some point or the other in life. This kind of feeling lasts for a brief period of time, probably even days at a stretch in some cases. It varies from person to person and is directly proportional to the intensity and degree of the situation that we face. Usually we are solely responsible in most of the cases; also sometimes there are factors beyond our control too. Whatever be the case, our normal reaction to the situation will be blaming us for the catastrophe. The next step would normally be contemplating things and different ways that could have avoided this mishap. This usually goes on and on in our mind, sometimes tiring us to the point of a nervous breakdown. These reactions are quite normal.

However, what we need to understand here is that this is the moment that we need our 100%. We need our self here more than anything else in the world. The above mentioned reactions, however normal it may be; doesn’t help see us through the debacle. On the other hand it just magnifies the meltdown. Most of the times it aggravates the pain more than that it is ordinarily warranted for.

Unfortunately, there is no short cut to this. We need to go through this each time we face such situations, without having a way around it. That is exactly the reason that we need to make sure that we are present for us when we need us the most. There is no better way than to collect and compose our self while going through the agony. The key point here is being the best person that you can rely on. Hence it is all the more crucial that we are present with our complete strength. The advice from friends, well wishers and experts is an added bonus. The fundamental thing is being able to control our state of mind, to act on the decision that we have arrived at.

You will be surprised at the ease with which you deal with the situation when you have your own support while facing it. You will realize that you are capable of adopting to new situations, make changes to your lifestyle, face life changing circumstances with confidence etc. In all, you will see a new dimension within yourself, a capability that you have never knew that existed. The learning out of the situation, however, is the most important as it translates as our experience in the due course of time.

Thanks a lot! I really appreciate your time reading this post. I hope you enjoy reading the posts and find it helpful. I request you to share the learning as much as possible so that many more benefit from it. I would be glad to know your inputs both For or Against. Please feel free to post, share or like if you find it useful.
Happy Learning! and Happy Sharing!

Life is a mixed bag of people and emotions...in People/Team management – Manage it efficiently.

Life is a mixed bag of different people and the resultant emotions that we have because of them. There are different kinds of people in our life as in, the people who need us, people who want to take advantage of us, people who hate us etc. We too tend to be the same to others depending on certain circumstances; it is quite natural. I am not talking of Parents and our children here, with whom we are biologically motivated to love; they come with their own set of challenges. That’s a different story altogether.

Then there are people who like us and people who we like. They could be at our workplace or in our personal life.  In this post we will focus on this particular category of people. These people are not connected to us and we eventually meet them. We set off on a journey to make a connection with these people over a period of time. We will now discuss the first set of people ‘people who like us’. They are not at all difficult to identify, sometimes it is so obvious. They will communicate more often with us, they will feel happy in our presence, they will have a particular interest in our likes and dislikes, they will be over apologetic when they do something that offends us, they will go out of the way to be of some help to us, in extreme cases, they sometimes behave and act as if their world revolves around us, they get deeply hurt when we find fault with them. There could be numerous  other gestures to identify them.

Now there is this other set ‘people who we like’, they too are not that difficult to identify as we tend to do some of the above mentioned things with them. Initially we may not notice it but over a period of time the signs will be much more evident.

Our actions with these two different sets of people and the reactions that follow by far, constitute our mental state of mind in our life. It is very important to be sensitive to these situations. Hence, these situations need to be identified at an early stage and managed very efficiently; failing which it could result in a mess. The approach is pretty much the same in both cases; it may only vary with the level of involvement. Here are a few tips that could help through this situation.

·         Open and timely communication – a very vital aspect, as anything we postpone will only result in dealing with even bigger a mess.

·         Defining boundaries – again a crucial condition so that nothing is left in a gray area, eliminating the possibility of any ambiguity.

·         Setting expectations – a very central exercise which is often ignored in situations like these, setting expectation needs to be done with others and with our own self too (sometimes it is most important to do it with ourselves than others).

·         Realistic thinking – a fundamental condition that is easily ignored by the attitude of taking everything for granted (for example : taking other people’s time, nature and priorities for granted)

·         Taking Stock of the situation – this particular tip is the most helpful, taking stock of where the situation is heading is very essential. If we are not sure or lack clarity we can always approach for a third party perspective. A Third party because they are not thinking the way you are and are not bound by your feeling, emotions and hence is more likely to give a honest and genuine evaluation of the situation.

Different things work out for different people, but the point is not to delay the process and come up with a solution soon enough. The solution may not be favorable to us always, but it would certainly contribute towards the peace of mind in the longer run. The things that happen in our life is mainly our own doing, most of the times. Nothing impacts our life more than our own actions and thinking.

Thanks a lot! I really appreciate your time reading this post. I hope you enjoy reading the posts and find it helpful. I request you to share the learning as much as possible so that many more benefit from it. I would be glad to know your inputs both For or Against. Please feel free to post, share or like if you find it useful.Happy Learning! and Happy Sharing!

People are unique...in People/Team management – The science of cherishing a good relationship.

Well people definitely are unique. The only chance of finding a particular person on this planet is in that person and that person alone. They are that unique. I often have had conversations among friends and colleagues; discussing coexisting relationships and the difficulties that lie within. A very interesting thing that I noticed among majority of the conversations is that we like a person very much. Now that is a starter. We like, admire or even love a person for a particular behavior, quality or in general the way that person is with us. We tend to feel very comfortable with that person. It is very natural process that happens with us day in and day out. This process happens frequently for some and not so regular for others. But it is bound to happen for all of us some time or the other.

Now, the second step is that we like another person too probably for an entirely different set of traits. This second person’s qualities may or may not be in contrast with the first person’s qualities. Here what we normally try to do is imagine the first person, to possess or acquire the new set of behavior and traits of our choice. This is the seed of the problem and sometimes spells the catastrophe that lay ahead of us in the near future.

Once we successfully manage to plant that seed in our mind, we try to communicate, suggest, persuade and in some worst cases coerce to get the desired outcome. Things that follow, is the seed planted by us quickly grows into a huge forest, fueled by our ego, anger and absurd thinking. This happens fast, much faster than we may possible imagine.

What we need to realize is that the concept of salad dressing does not work with people. You cannot have the best of everything packaged in one person. It is by far the ground reality and major contributing factor in most of the relationship failures, if not all. The reasons or the choices of salad dressing may be different in different cases. For example, we may try our hand to pair beauty with intelligence, success with modesty etc. The list is exhaustive. Trust me if others try to have a similar choice of salad dressing with you, they will too end up without any success and in major disappointment. In relationships particularly, this kind of experimentation will have disastrous outcome.

Luckily, very few relationships fail in spite of going through this rough terrain. Some relationships endure this nerve wrecking experience and emerge out successfully. Though it is not possible to come out with a sure shot formula to address to all the scenarios; a few pointers would go a long way in avoiding or overcoming such situation. Few of them are:

·         Having an unshakable trust backed with the comfort and convenience of an open communication.

·         Primarily realizing, communicating and appreciating the good in the other person.

·         Being open and honest in discussing expectations with each other, backing with how it would be beneficial for the bigger cause.

·         Most importantly respecting and acknowledging, the other person for their abilities, their time and efforts to make the relationship work.

The above are just some basic pointers which are easily neglected in most of the relationships. Above all learning to appreciate the good in the other person, communicating and valuing it would go a long way ensuring a healthy relationship.

My earlier post will provide an in depth analysis and help identify the inherent good:

http://www.peoplemanagement.in/2018/05/nurturing-good-in-usin-peopleteam.html

Thanks a lot! I really appreciate your time reading this post. I hope you enjoy reading the posts and find it helpful. I request you to share the learning as much as possible so that many more benefit from it. I would be glad to know your inputs both For or Against. Please feel free to post, share or like if you find it useful.
Happy Learning! and Happy Sharing!

Nurturing the good in us...in People/Team management – Do good be good.

There is inherent good in everyone...very true there definitely is good in each one of us. Similarly, there is some bad in each one of us too. That is nature and that is the way we are. The difference however, is how frequently we choose to engage with these powerful emotions. In most situations, we are in control of the positive and negative traits. However, on few occasions we tend to get influenced more by our natural traits; usually the bad in us. There are many reasons why we readily and easily get lured by this negative trait. Some common reasons that we can relate to are anger, ego, selfishness, rage etc the list is endless. We also observe that whenever we engage in these emotions, it is certainly not an enjoyable experience. We all are aware of the rippling effect of such experiences too. Having said all that, some of these situations occur spontaneously and some build up over time. The way we react to situations like these further determines the outcome. The outcome it is not pleasant at all for all those who are involved. Here we will understand in depth about the situations that build up over time.

These natural negative emotions are not that terrible as long as they come out as uncontrollable outbursts in isolated incidents. However, what is more dangerous is that when we start rationalizing and justifying our reactions; much after the actual incident has occurred. This is the first step in feeding the evil in us.

From here on each time we think about the incident and seek further justification and favor our decision, we actually have begun to construct a wall between us and resolution of the problem; with the other person or a group. The process is expedited should the other person in question also thinks and behaves similarly. Now there are two strong and high walls standing between you and the other person in question. At this point these walls are really strong fueled by ego and we are too blinded to realize it.

These simple misunderstandings at the beginning multiply, snowball and spell a far greater catastrophe. This by far is the actual thing that goes on when we are in a strained relationship; be it professional or personal. It spells a disaster and destroys relationships sooner than foreseen.

Accidents like these can be easily avoided by following simple steps from the beginning, such as:

·         Identifying a potential problem that can escalate early and address it then and there.

·         Open and positive communication.

·         Mutual respect and trust.

·         Acknowledging and appreciating the efforts and discussing it in person.

·         Discussing each others’ expectations clearly.

This is the inherent good in us that all of us are capable of. We just need to be sensitive while addressing the situation. These steps when practiced again and again develop as a second nature and will help avoid relationships go the disastrous path. The beautiful relationships which otherwise were meant to last long lasting sometimes lifelong.

Thanks a lot! I really appreciate your time reading this post. I hope you enjoy reading the posts and find it helpful. I request you to share the learning as much as possible so that many more benefit from it. I would be glad to know your inputs both For or Against. Please feel free to post, share or like if you find it useful.
Happy Learning! and Happy Sharing!

The art of counselling...in People/Team management – Doing the right thing.

Counselling is a very common term that we come across at different stages of our lives. It is not uncommon that we have been on either sides of the table on numerous occasions; providing it or receiving one. Counselling is generally required when one’s ability to see through a situation or “way forward” is unclear or confusing. The process may also include instilling confidence in many occasions. Hence it can be better understood as lending or borrowing ‘a clear state of mind’ for a specific purpose. Then again lending or borrowing of a commodity can be done only when one possesses it; ‘a clear state of mind’ to offer in this case. An advice with a clear state of mind stands a better chance of arriving at a desired outcome.

We approach a person for a good counsel only when we trust that person to possess a better understanding of the current situation than us, we believe that person is our well wisher and the person is a subject matter expert in that topic. These factors remain the same when we set out to provide counsel too. Counselling should never be offered unsolicited, unless it is one of our job responsibilities or to our near and dear ones, kids (as they are yet to understand that they need an expert advice in certain situations). Unsolicited counselling will not be effective and in some cases might create even more complications than the present situation.

Counselling at work or in our personal life have the same methodologies, but for some minor differences. At work, most of the times there are set procedures learnt by experience in place, when followed meticulously always return to the desired outcome. However, counselling in our personal life is slightly different. It is usually an ideal blend of our experience and wisdom.

The process of counselling could get complicated involving many factors such as financial, emotional, attitude etc. The list is endless, but here we will focus only on the framework involved. A few pointers below will help us understand the process in detail and serve as a guide to counsel effectively:

·         Listening and understanding the problem - identifying the route cause is an essential exercise that needs to be done.

·          Assessing the gravity of the situation, explaining the impact that it will have on the person who is being counselled is another important component – Remember the suggestion may not be the perfect solution for the problem in question. However, it needs to be a good fit for the person in question. (therefore the solution offered should be derived by assessing the capabilities of the person in question; in other words a practical one)

·         Suggest a way forward explaining the benefits of implementing the suggestion – ‘In my opinion the best solution for you in the current situation’ is a good way to offer the solution.

Preparing the person before offering the solution, emphasizing the capabilities and limitations would send the message clearly and effectively. A good solution provided with a clear understanding of the situation, will benefit the person in many ways which otherwise would be difficult with their current state of mind. The benefits of the outcome will be remembered for a real long time.

My earlier post will provide an in depth analysis of our reactions to different situations. It will help us distinguish as to how we would react to a particular situation and how best we could possibly accomplish otherwise.

http://www.peoplemanagement.in/2015/12/do-we-understand-enough-in-peopleteam.html

Thanks a lot! I really appreciate your time reading this post. I hope you enjoy reading the posts and find it helpful. I request you to share the learning as much as possible so that many more benefit from it. I would be glad to know your inputs both For or Against. Please feel free to post, share or like if you find it useful.

Happy Learning! and Happy Sharing!

Preserve the ‘Good’ in you...in People/Team management - Aim Perfection.

That’s right each and every person in this world including you has inherent good in them. Few people are aware and use it to its fullest potential and others are yet to realize it. This good is experienced when you do something good for someone and experience satisfaction. That’s when you realize that you are capable of influencing or touching other person’s life in a good way. Those deeds may be very small to you but could leave a long lasting impression to the people it matters most. Similarly, we too remember well the ‘good’ that we came across from other people that has helped us out or taken us out of difficult situations. This we are bound to remember for a real long time; some instances probably for the rest of our lives.

As you are reading this post, you may remember such instances and people from the past and relate to what we are discussing. I am sure your thoughts will get refreshed and you will feel a lot better when you just recall those moments. You must realize that it is these powers of the ‘good’ present in you over a period of time form a charisma. When you practice this strength with others in day to day relationships, both personal and professional; it becomes your second nature; quicker than you could ever imagine. Remember it’s not rocket science – it’s just as simple as never losing an opportunity to do good.

The ability of being a source of happiness to others is such a wonderful feeling. For me, thanks to my Mother, this thought process was taught to me right from childhood. A few pointers that she suggested to follow, whenever and wherever possible are:

·         Small good acts are enough (sometimes like acknowledging, appreciating where we tend to take things and people for granted)

·         Always doing the right thing.

·         If we sometimes aren’t able to do good in certain situation then no problem; but never ever even think bad for the other person.

I have always seen this particular thought process, help me enormously improve my relationships both personal and professional. Practicing this, I realized that people were more open with me than before and formed great bonds, long lasting ones. It’s also proved to be phenomenal with making some really nice new relationships; which otherwise was difficult to establish. Once we master this capability and pass on the technique, we not only reap the benefits of healthy relationships; but also make gradual yet powerful contribution to the society that we live in. 

My earlier post will provide an in depth analysis of our reactions to different situations. It will help us distinguish as to how we would react to a particular situation and how best we could possibly accomplish otherwise.

http://www.peoplemanagement.in/2016/01/the-good-bad-and-ugly-in-us-in.html 

Thanks a lot! I really appreciate your time reading this post. I hope you enjoy reading the posts and find it helpful. I request you to share the learning as much as possible so that many more benefit from it. I would be glad to know your inputs both For or Against. Please feel free to post, share or like if you find it useful.

Happy Learning! and Happy Sharing!